Completion at 11 Months

addicence | Jewish Rituals, Kaddish, Grief | Monday, February 4th, 2008

11 Months by the Hebrew calendar. Everyday the boy who lost his mother said Kaddish. Sometimes it meant driving 45 minutes to find 10 Jews holding a minyan. With a girlfriend living in Greenfield, MA, I made the drive many a day down to Springfield.

Up at 6:15 to make it to minyan by 7:00. Get there at 7:06 and I missed the first two recitations of Kaddish. Not an easy task with a 6 year old and a 9 year old. Many a day we arrived at 7:05 in between the first two.

And there were probably 7 or 8 days when I just didn’t make it. No local minyan, or worse yet, the day I went to a shul and only 8 people came for services. No minyan, no kaddish.

When we say the mourner’s kaddish, we stand before the community and praise God. In doing so we teach ourselves and we remind the community that throughout the life cycle there are opportunities for joy and sadness, and God is part of every part of our lives. And if there is no minyan to represent the community, then the lesson goes unsaid.

They say the end is as hard as the beginning. It isn’t, but it is hard. This evening I will stand for the last time and say Kaddish at Minch and then i will sit. When we say kaddish at Maariv, immediately following Mincha, I will join those who remain seated and respond to the mourners among us. Once again, I’m a normal member of the community.

But during these 11 months, I’ve prayed in minyans at many places. And those who attend minyan daily, in each of those cities, I’ve discovered are a special group of people. Day in and day out they go to shul to talk to God, and some even go just to talk to each other. But the daily minyan is the heart of the community.

These are the people who show up at your house for shiva and they are in shul when you need a minyan. They are not people who tell you, “if there is anything I can do….” These are the people who do what needs to be done and they do so without asking and without telling because they know it needs to be done and too many people have not a clue what it is.

It is an honor to daven with them. I look forward to continuing to join them.

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